What Do I Want, Anyway?

In strategic life planning, the first step is creating the vision. But for some people (myself included), that can be the most difficult aspect. Assessments such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, the Clifton Strengthsfinder Assessment and various interest inventories can be good starting points in determining what you may want to do, especially with regard to career. But no matter how good the assessment, it can only take you so far. Following are two somewhat non-traditional ways of exploring your heart’s desires:

• Daydreams - Daydreams can be a real clue to what you want in life, or what you want your life to look like. Daydreams differ from visualizing in that a daydream is more of a mental wander. Visualizing is focused and intentional, and is used in conjunction with goals already set.
  
  Sometimes daydreams will give you direct information. Other times, it’s more general, showing you how you want to live your life, rather than what you will be doing.
  
  Daydreams can also allow you to “try on” and then discard things that you don’t really want. Lifestyles that look glamorous on television, may lose their appeal when you daydream about how that might really look day to day.

• Collages – Whether you create a collage using traditional pictures and poster board, or a technology-based format (www.Oprah.com has a free one – search for “Dream Board”), collages can reveal what truly appeals to you. The trick is to not censor or pick things because you think you “should.” Choose only things that truly speak to you. If it helps, tell yourself that you don’t have to act on anything on the board – it’s just a more concrete daydream. Pay attention to any patterns you see emerging, both in what appears and what doesn’t. What I found was that the use of visuals seemed to short-circuit what my brain said I wanted to be, do or have, and reveal a more honest desire.
  

Although I am a big believer in setting and achieving goals, I have learned over time to also be open to ideas that do not necessarily fit with my first stated goal. Life is funny that way – it has a way of trying to get your attention to help you do what you were really born to do. You just have to listen and watch for the clues.

What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up?

Grownups are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up, because they’re looking for ideas! ~Paula Poundstone

As with all good humor, the thing that makes this quote funny is the bit of truth it reveals. I remember reading books on goal setting, where the first step was to choose the goal. Most authors didn’t spend much time here, apparently assuming that everyone would know what their goal was! Not me. I didn’t know what “I wanted to be when I grew up.” All the books would ask the same question – "if you could do one thing and knew you wouldn’t fail, what would it be?"

But that question didn't help me – I didn’t want to choose just one thing. Barbara Sher, author of such books as I Could Do Anything if I Only Knew What it Was, and Refuse to Choose, says that if you’re one of those people who can’t choose just one thing, you may be a scanner. Traditional thought that says “pick one thing and stick to it,” may not work for you. If you’re a scanner, you may need to either choose several things and rotate through them (sometimes moving back and forth), or find a way to blend the things you love. And sometimes those things may not be your primary source of income.

Another struggle is the feeling that you have to pick the right thing. What if you chose wrong? But if you try to pick something you will want to do for the rest of your working life, you may become paralyzed by the fear of making a mistake, and never really choose anything. Instead, consider what you might like to do next, knowing that you can always choose to do something different later.

Marcus Buckingham, best-selling author of such books as, Now Discover Your Strengths, and, Find Your Strongest Life, notes that a true strength is not just something that you are good at, but also something that strengthens and energizes you. Under this definition, then, you are the best judge of your strengths. You know what to do with your life, even if it’s not what everybody else thinks you should do with it.

If you want ideas, the best place to look is within yourself – not a random sampling of kids.

Why Have a Strategic Life Plan?

The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. ~Dr. Phil

Although I believe this to be, for the most part, true, I also find that negative change can often occur so gradually that you don’t realize it’s happening until you wake up one day wondering how you got where you are. As Jim Rohn, business philosopher, says, “You don’t fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgment, repeated every day.” That’s why a strategic life plan is so important. It helps keep you on track, because you are constantly checking in with yourself to see whether you are moving closer to, or farther away from your goals. If you are getting away from them, you can make corrections to get back on track before you have strayed too far.

Businesses review their goals monthly, quarterly and annually. They look at what went well, and what didn’t, and make changes along the way so they don’t reach the end of the year thinking, “Wow, what went wrong? We’re not even close to the goals we set at the beginning of the year!” Goals are not something you create and then put on the shelf. It’s important to create long-term goals in line with your vision, short-term goals to support the long-term ones, and daily prioritized task lists to make sure you hit your short-term goals. It’s similar to building a brick house; first you have the idea for the house (the vision). Then you create the blueprint (the long-term goal). Next, you determine what needs to be done first, and by when (the short-term goals), and finally begin laying the foundation and then each brick (daily prioritized tasks). You wouldn’t simply tell your crew to start building – without a vision or a blueprint, they would have no idea what the end product was supposed to look like.

You get the point. Yet many of us go through life just laying down bricks, without any real vision or blueprint of what we want our life to look like. Of course, whether you are building a brick home or a life, there will be times when things don’t go according to plan, whether because of a flaw in the original design, unexpected delays or the inevitable storms. But as long as you have the vision and the blueprint, you can accommodate those changes and continue to move forward.

That is the kind of past behavior that you want to rely on to indicate future behavior!

Columbus Day

“You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better.” ~Maya Angelou

Today is Columbus Day. I’ve read several Twitter posts (one of which was quite profane) indirectly or directly condemning Columbus, saying things like, “Today is Columbus Day in the U.S or as I like to call it, ‘First Illegal Immigrant Amnesty Day.’" Another said he was “Inspired 2 write a poem 2 commemorate the Columbus Day f***ery. ('cuse the profanity, it’s a profane holiday).” Some said Columbus was an idiot who got lost and proceeded to enslave a nation of natives.” Still others have called him a rapist and a “genocidal maniac.” Of course, all of these comments are made while looking through the lens of modern day beliefs and values, not the beliefs and values held by society back in 1792.

There are those who believe the U.S. should pay reparations to African Americans as a way to apologize for slavery. Yet the “adopted son” (an African American man) of Jane Pittman (see The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman) believed (and taught) that slavery was the fault of the white man and black Africans. He believed that if the African tribes had stood together, rather than fight each other, they could have fended off the white man. Not only that, but he pointed out that it was Africans who sold their brothers (and sisters) into slavery. Because he believed that both were to blame, he believed that both should take responsibility for their roles in slavery, and then move forward past slavery. Again, those who believe reparations should be paid are looking through the lens of modern day beliefs and values, not those held by society in the 1800s.

I’m not saying that the U.S. is perfect. We are people, and people always make mistakes – sometimes really big mistakes. What I am saying, however, is that we should perhaps apply Maya Angelou’s wise words not just to ourselves individually, but to our country as a whole. We did what we knew how to do, and when we knew better, we did (and are doing) better.

Are we going to want those who come after us, in some cases hundreds of years after us, to judge us as harshly as we are now judging those who came before us? Or do we hope that they forgive us our mistakes and focus on what we did right, understanding that we did the best we could?

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

One of the more interesting observations I’ve made in delivering diversity training occurs in the discussion around “shared influence.” We talk about collaborative leadership and how that can foster more ownership and buy-in, as well as more ideas, which in turn makes for a stronger, more productive team. I ask whether employees are more engaged and more willing to go the extra mile when the manager simply assigns a task, or when the manager asks for input, and then asks that employee to implement her idea. The class inevitably chooses Scenario Two. It seems like such an obvious answer, yet how often do leaders actually do this?

Some participants have asked why the employer is teaching collaboration yet consistently uses a command-and-control model.

A good question, and one that points to a disconnect between what the employer says it wants to happen and what actually is happening in the organization. Interestingly, although the employees are asked to complete a survey at the end of the workshop, offering suggestions as to how the curriculum could be improved, few respond. Often, that will lead managers to say (in frustration), “We ask for their input, they don’t give it, and then they complain that we don’t listen to them!”

The next question, then, is, “Why aren’t the employees offering suggestions?” Although I don’t know the answer in this specific situation, it can sometimes occur when the employer has a history or a reputation of not listening to the employees. Employees give up, stop offering ideas, and don’t believe the employer when it says it “values their opinions.” When it gets to this point, the employer is really going to have a difficult time convincing the employees that it has changed its ways, and truly does want the employee to contribute.

Actions consistent with stated positions will build trust and encourage collaboration. If the two are not consistent, people will always believe actions over words.