What Do I Want, Anyway?

In strategic life planning, the first step is creating the vision. But for some people (myself included), that can be the most difficult aspect. Assessments such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, the Clifton Strengthsfinder Assessment and various interest inventories can be good starting points in determining what you may want to do, especially with regard to career. But no matter how good the assessment, it can only take you so far. Following are two somewhat non-traditional ways of exploring your heart’s desires:

• Daydreams - Daydreams can be a real clue to what you want in life, or what you want your life to look like. Daydreams differ from visualizing in that a daydream is more of a mental wander. Visualizing is focused and intentional, and is used in conjunction with goals already set.
  
  Sometimes daydreams will give you direct information. Other times, it’s more general, showing you how you want to live your life, rather than what you will be doing.
  
  Daydreams can also allow you to “try on” and then discard things that you don’t really want. Lifestyles that look glamorous on television, may lose their appeal when you daydream about how that might really look day to day.

• Collages – Whether you create a collage using traditional pictures and poster board, or a technology-based format (www.Oprah.com has a free one – search for “Dream Board”), collages can reveal what truly appeals to you. The trick is to not censor or pick things because you think you “should.” Choose only things that truly speak to you. If it helps, tell yourself that you don’t have to act on anything on the board – it’s just a more concrete daydream. Pay attention to any patterns you see emerging, both in what appears and what doesn’t. What I found was that the use of visuals seemed to short-circuit what my brain said I wanted to be, do or have, and reveal a more honest desire.
  

Although I am a big believer in setting and achieving goals, I have learned over time to also be open to ideas that do not necessarily fit with my first stated goal. Life is funny that way – it has a way of trying to get your attention to help you do what you were really born to do. You just have to listen and watch for the clues.

Runaway Bride

I have this weird knack for taking random scenes from movies and applying them to completely different pieces of my own (or others’) life.

I recently watched The Runaway Bride again. This movie, featuring Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, is about a journalist named Ike Graham (Gere) who writes a less-than-flattering story about Maggie Carpenter (Roberts) and her penchant for leaving men at the altar. Predictably, when Ike goes to Maggie’s small town to defend his story, he falls in love with her, and they are set to marry. He is standing at the altar when Maggie starts down the aisle toward him. She hesitates a moment, and he locks eyes with her, forcing her to focus on him and ignore everything else going on around her. As long as she does that, she moves down the aisle toward him. However, when a guest takes a flash photo, it momentarily blinds Ike, and he breaks eye contact with Maggie. Immediately, she loses her focus and bolts.

Running your business or your life is a little bit like that, I’ve found. As long as I can stay focused on my goals and the tasks at hand, I can move forward towards that goal. When I am distracted by life’s little (and sometimes not-so-little) “interruptions,” it’s easy for me to lose my focus and get off track. Depending on the distraction, it’s sometimes hard to get refocused, and I end up wasting valuable time.

That’s why visualization of your goal every day is so critical. Visualization is not a valuable tool because it magically makes things appear in your life; it is valuable because it keeps you focused on the goal and its achievement. Failure to visualize can cause the goal to become fuzzy; you will lose focus and can, like Maggie, eventually abandon the dream.

Stay focused; achieve your dreams.

Creating Your Life

We’ve all heard the phrase, “The best way to predict your life is to create it.” But if that’s true, why don’t we all live fabulous, fulfilling lives? Wouldn’t we all “predict” a life of abundance and joy? The hard part, of course, is the “creating” piece. How do we create the life we truly want?

Although it sounds obvious, the first step, which most people (my younger self included) skip completely, is determining what, exactly, it is that we want. We often drift along, taking opportunities that are given to us, but never really pursuing the things we want, and never putting into place a specific plan for achieving those goals.

If you could “start over” or even start from where you are now, and choose to be, do and have whatever you wanted, what would you choose? If you were writing the most audacious Christmas brag letter about your past year, what would it say? If you could stifle that inner critic, and let your inner hero speak from your heart and your head, what would she say?
It can be scary to think this way, because you’re afraid of the disappointment when you “realize” you can’t do those things. But what if you could? How exciting would that be? Would you need external motivators to get you out of bed in the morning to live your life?

You learned to dream big as a child, then had that pounded out of you by “reality.” But wouldn’t it be more fun to turn those big dreams into your reality? To create that life instead of the one you’ve settled for?