Raising Strong Women

I recently had a conversation with the dad of a precocious and charming 5-year-old girl. He wants her to grow up to be a strong woman, but seemed confused as to how best to do that. He seemed a bit concerned about her attraction to “girly” things (my word, not his), but then in the next breath noted that his wife, clearly a strong woman, also liked make-up and nice clothes (apparently “girly” things).

I thought about how I was raised, given that I consider myself a strong woman. I told the dad that I had loved Barbies as a child (the ultimate “girly” thing), but that I also liked playing baseball. I recalled a conversation I once had with my mom. She told me that I (the wife) should “serve” my husband pie (keep in mind, it was a different generation). Wow, did that raise my hackles! I told her in no uncertain terms that if I wanted to get something for my husband because I loved him and wanted to do something nice for him, that was fine, but that I would not serve him simply because he was the man and I the woman. Her expression told me she was sure I was headed for divorce court (as an aside, my husband and I just celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary). Despite her beliefs, I grew up to be a strong woman.

The point is, we don’t have to ban “girly” things in order for girls to be strong, any more than we have to ban “manly” things for our sons in order for them to be more nurturing (and by the way - why is it “girl”y for females, and “man”ly for males?).

What does all this have to do with leadership? We’ll talk about that in the next post.

To Swear or Not To Swear - That is the Question

Call me old-fashioned, but I really hate seeing profanity creeping into blogs, webinars and “professional” social media. Besides the idea that that kind of language is not professional, it also suggests a sort of arrogance, in the sense that you are delivering your message in a way that may be offensive to clients or potential clients, without caring whether your clients or potential clients may be offended.

I’m willing to consider that perhaps it depends on your target audience. I once read a comment to a profanity-laced blog that applauded the blogger for “using language that real people use.” I would suggest, however, that not all “real people” use or like profanity and vulgarity, and that use of profanity more often gets in the way of the message. There are very few cases where use of profanity enhances the message (in the true sense of the word) in a way that a non-profane word can’t.

Social media and other forms of electronic communication have obviously changed the way we communicate. Twitter, by its very nature (only 140 characters!) is a less formal way of writing, as are Facebook and even e-mails. But if you are communicating as a “representative” of your company, or to people who are current or potential customers, it’s important to communicate with "clean" language, regardless of the forum.

Grandma always said profanity cheapened the person and made them appear far less intelligent than they might actually be. Why risk sending this message and starting off on the wrong foot with a potential client?

Leadership and Access to "High Potentials" Opportunities

I just spoke to the former dean of the law school I attended. He and I were talking about diversity training, and I noted that I was particularly interested in women’s leadership issues. His take on diversity was that it consisted of two parts: first, do no harm (i.e., do not discriminate) and second, reap the benefits that diversity offers, especially in a global economy. I told him that although it’s a simple concept, it’s often difficult for companies to implement. Most want to do the right thing, but it’s human nature to want to hire people who are like us (no matter how you define that, i.e., gender, race, age or even extroverts/introverts!). Second, employers often don’t know how to do this.

In order for women to succeed at the top level, a/k/a, the C-suite, they need to have access to “high potentials” opportunities along the way. But what does that mean? “High potentials” are, as the name suggests, those who exhibit strong potential for high-level leadership roles. Unfortunately, at the executive level, men are considered “high potentials” 50% more often than women.[i]

"High-potentials" opportunities include mentoring, choice assignments (i.e., those that directly affect profitability of the company), and multinational experiences (whether or not that includes moving overseas). Companies set women up for failure when women are not developed as a high potential, but are later “stuck” in an executive position (when companies realize that they are a little “short” on women in executive positions).

Formalized succession planning, objective performance assessments and mentoring should be a part of an overall commitment to help women develop as leaders. A more balanced workforce at the executive level consistently results in a more profitable organization; failure to promote or pay women appropriately sends the message that comparable work performed by women is not as valued as that performed by men, and often results in loss of talent that can be difficult and costly to replace.

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[i] Works Cited: Howard, Ph.D., Ann, and Richard S. Wellins, Ph.D. Holding Women Back: Troubling Discoveries - and Best Practices for Helping Female Leaders Succeed. Rep. Bridgeville, PA: DDI's Global Leadership Forecast 2008/2009, 2009.

Runaway Bride

I have this weird knack for taking random scenes from movies and applying them to completely different pieces of my own (or others’) life.

I recently watched The Runaway Bride again. This movie, featuring Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, is about a journalist named Ike Graham (Gere) who writes a less-than-flattering story about Maggie Carpenter (Roberts) and her penchant for leaving men at the altar. Predictably, when Ike goes to Maggie’s small town to defend his story, he falls in love with her, and they are set to marry. He is standing at the altar when Maggie starts down the aisle toward him. She hesitates a moment, and he locks eyes with her, forcing her to focus on him and ignore everything else going on around her. As long as she does that, she moves down the aisle toward him. However, when a guest takes a flash photo, it momentarily blinds Ike, and he breaks eye contact with Maggie. Immediately, she loses her focus and bolts.

Running your business or your life is a little bit like that, I’ve found. As long as I can stay focused on my goals and the tasks at hand, I can move forward towards that goal. When I am distracted by life’s little (and sometimes not-so-little) “interruptions,” it’s easy for me to lose my focus and get off track. Depending on the distraction, it’s sometimes hard to get refocused, and I end up wasting valuable time.

That’s why visualization of your goal every day is so critical. Visualization is not a valuable tool because it magically makes things appear in your life; it is valuable because it keeps you focused on the goal and its achievement. Failure to visualize can cause the goal to become fuzzy; you will lose focus and can, like Maggie, eventually abandon the dream.

Stay focused; achieve your dreams.

Sarah Palin and Leadership

As most people know by now, Sarah Palin made the decision to step down from her position as governor of Alaska. This has, of course, triggered a media feeding-frenzy, as every expert tries to guess why she did it. Her stated reason was because she did not want to be a “lame duck” governor, just riding out her term spending tax-payer money while accomplishing little.

Of course, the speculation is that she’s positioning herself to make a run for president in 2012. And perhaps she is. It would be difficult to campaign for a national position while living and effectively governing in Alaska.

Politics aside, what I find so interesting is that no one is talking about whether what she is doing is simply a different, non-traditional, non-masculine way of doing things. Clearly, giving up power because it’s best for her state is non-traditional – when was the last time you heard of a man (or a woman trying to succeed using a traditionally masculine model of leadership) doing that? And if she’s stepping down so she can run for President, is that worse that the candidates (male and female) who retain their Senate seats while actively campaigning for a higher office? How effective are these individuals in the Senate when their main focus is their campaign?

Studies have repeatedly shown that women lead differently than men; that we are less concerned with “command and control” styles of leadership, and more interested in transformative leadership. Those same studies have also demonstrated that generally speaking, traditionally feminine styles of leadership are often more effective and contribute more to the bottom line.

Is it possible that Sarah Palin just has a different way of leading? And is her “different” way necessarily wrong? Or are we just not used to seeing it done that way?

Official vs. Unofficial Branding

Yesterday, I met with Jeff Garrison, of JCG Consulting. Although we covered a lot of ground, one of the most interesting (yet briefest) things we talked about was something I referred to as “unofficial” branding, based on the tried and true cliché that “actions speak louder than words.” The goal, of course, is to have your official brand be consistent with your unofficial brand. In a negative example of this, a company I have dealt with in the past proudly displayed their official brand – incredible customer experiences – around the store. Yet, the wait for service was always quite lengthy (at one point, they were telling customers it was going to be two hours before someone could help them!). Clearly, the official brand (i.e., what the company said its brand was), and the unofficial brand (what the company actually did) were inconsistent. Which one do you think the customer believed?

This is true of “internal” brands as well, i.e., the relationship you have with your employees. If you list “family” as one of your values, yet are consistently resistant to allowing employees to be flexible with their schedule so they can care for their families, you will lose credibility and trust. Your employees (internal customers) are going to believe your unofficial, action brand rather than your official, stated brand.

It’s not going to matter how many ads you run saying that you are devoted to great customer service or being a family friendly employer; if your actions don’t back up what you are saying, your unofficial brand will always speak louder. Even if you change course and begin “walking the walk,” it may take you a very long time (if ever) to convince your customers/employees that you have changed.

So – do your official and unofficial brands match?

Independence Day

Fourth of July is one of my favorite holidays. I love going to Yankee Doodle Pops and watching the fireworks afterward (not to mention all the people watching!). It’s free, it’s fabulous, and I always get choked up singing the Star Spangled Banner. Every time. I love cheering for the veterans that attend – and those who never returned.


The Independence Day parade is also something I try very hard not to miss. My daughter was born on July 2, and we took her to the 4th of July parade in tiny Hills, Iowa two days later. Jaws were dropping to see such a tiny child exhibiting her patriotism (ok, she actually slept through the whole thing – even the fire engines!).


Picnics are a staple for the 4th of July, and the fireworks always amaze me. I feel just like a little kid in one sense; struck by the awe of something that always seems so uniquely American. I delight in watching little kids dancing with their sparklers (even the ones who shriek in terror at the sparks), but also appreciate that I can watch all this from my driveway!


Ultimately, though, the 4th of July reminds me of how blessed I am to have been born and raised in the United States of America, where freedom is cherished and fought for. As Americans, we have a duty to those who gave up their lives for our freedom, as well as a duty to ourselves and our children, to never take those freedoms for granted, and to fight valiantly, whether with pen, voice or body to preserve those freedoms. We have a duty to not willingly give up those freedoms just because we don’t think it will affect us. We have a duty to pay attention, and to object when someone tries to take our freedom away, and we need to be especially careful when a freedom is stolen under the guise of being “for our own good.”


Be vigilant. Be proud of our country. Be free.